OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
