last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I didn't notice because vodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
