My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
