my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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