you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
