I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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