I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
