I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
