peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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