Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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