She is in my trunk
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
