I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
