Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
