You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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