HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
