my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
