just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
