dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
