Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
