How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
