All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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