Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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