dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize