at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
