They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
