i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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