I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
