the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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