I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
