Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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