The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
