dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
