you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
