dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
