my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize