This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
