He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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