life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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