filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
