1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
