So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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