and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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