I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
