I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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