is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
These tits shall not be calmed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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