Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
