Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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