Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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