in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
