she smelled like a LAN party
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
