heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize