my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
