that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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