i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
