feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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