my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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