I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
