He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
