It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
