ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
