we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize