There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
