Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
