I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize