The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
